To Give Up or Give In? That is the Question

As a young, romantic girl I have often struggled with the topic of love and relationships.

Somehow, no matter how often I muse about this it always comes back to the question of “should I give up on love or should I give in and give it to God?”

I’ve thought countless times after a messy break up or an unfulfilled romance, that it would be better not to have loved and to never have lost. But in my heart of hearts I know that’s not true. Besides, for a girl who is in love with ‘love’ the idea of giving up on love is really beyond the realm of possibility. Therefore the question becomes, “How can I love without loosing?” Regrettably the answer to that is, you can’t! If you love at all, in this sin cursed world, you will inevitably lose something. It may be your pride, your self-sufficiency, your time, your personal space, your freedom or even your life. Yes, you will no doubt lose something, but if that love is returned you will have gained something infinitely better!

This brings me to the other side of the question, “should I give in and give it to God?” The answer of course is yes. The problem comes not from whether you know the right answer but whether you are willing to obey.

My natural inclination is to fight with God rather than submit to Him. I tell Him that He doesn’t understand, that I ‘need’ this. But His response to me is, “I know what you need. I made you. Trust me.”

So often I think I know better than God but then I am reminded of the verse that says, “‘My thoughts are not your thoughts and My ways are not your ways’ declares The Lord!” The point is, God knows everything, therefore, He knows better than we do. This is a very hard lesson to learn and one that must be relearned, often many times over again, but it’s worth learning.

God is faithful and loving. He’s the author of romance. The lover of my soul! No matter how many times a man breaks my heart, God will always be there to put me back together and each time I have learned and will learn something new about love and more importantly about God.

The fact that none of my relationships have worked out so far is the grace of God in my life, because God wants what’s best for me in a relationship and He knew that none of those men I’ve been interested in would have been the best for me.

When you give in to God and let Him have His way in you and in your love life, it takes away the pressure of finding ‘Mr.’ or ‘Mrs.’ right since it’s no longer up to you, but rather your love life is now in the more than capable hands of the author of all romance. It frees you to live, love, laugh, learn and serve, knowing that you no longer have to worry about making your dreams come true.

God is more than able! You can know that if you trust Him, He will never let you down. But keep in mind that God’s ways are not our ways. Things may very well happen in a way you weren’t expecting and they may even seem undesirable, at least for a time. But if God is the one behind the wheel, you can count on the destination being far better than anything that you could have imagined.

So take a leap of faith with me and ‘give in’ to God and let Him write your story as only He can. And remember no matter how hard things get, you are never alone and you are dearly loved. Though all else may fail you, God never will. I pray you would rest in His love and grace as you wait on His perfect timing! And know this, that I and countless others wait with you.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11

Week 1: A Good Begining

What a week!

Sunday night I arrived at my hosts house. I found they are a charming older couple, with a sassy parot.

Even though I’m just doing office work right now (which means making phone calls, entering data, mailing stuff and the like) My first week of work was very exhausting. I found myself getting up, getting ready, eating, leaving, working, going home, eating, sleeping and then repeating the following day.

All my plans to do productive things in the evening went right out the window. Only time will tell if the trend of first week will continue into the summer.

My co-workers are pretty cool too. There’s one other intern named Margaret who is turning 18 this summer but you’d guess she was older if you met her. Then there’s Andrew our fearless leader and technically my boss. He’s a great guy and very focused. There are two other ladies that come I to the office on occasion, Sandy and Connie. Sandy is sweet and laid back. Connie is more rambunctious. It’s an interesting blend of personalities but thankfully we all seem to get along pretty well… So far.

All in all it was a very good first week. I’m looking forward to what else the summer holds for me and my coworkers. 

The Lord Provides

A little over a week away from day one of the internship and I’m still worried sick about finding a place to stay closer to the office, because I hate the idea of driving an hour to and from work, in heavy traffic four to five days a week. Some may say that I’m a wimp but honestly I don’t care. I know that I could handle it if I had to but I would also be a lot more stressed which is NOT a good thing.

Anyhow, I’ve been doing my best not to worry about all the details coming together because I know that God led me into this and. He will provide but it’s hard to stay objective at times. So a few days ago I bugged my mom into talking to some friends of our down near the CEF office to see if they could find someone else I could stay with for the first three weeks. This family has already agreed to let me stay with them for the remaining weeks of the summer but due to a small conflict of interest I am unable to stay with them for the first three weeks. Since they know people in the area this family graciously offered to ask around for other places to stay if I wanted them to. So we asked and they asked and God answered! And I’m happy to report to you that I will, by God’s grace, be staying with a friend of a friend of a friend! My hosts are a wonderful, godly, older couple who live six minutes from the office.

I am so in awe of how God provides and turns my worries and fears on their heads and makes them blessings instead. God has been so good to me in this whole process and has provided me a car, two places to stay and above all else peace! Though I still do not know how or when. He will provide the money I need for this summer I know He will provide above and beyond because He always does. To God alone be the glory both now and forever, amen!

Planning Day

About a week ago we had a planning day for everyone who is going to be helping with CYIA (Christian Youth In Action) this summer. It was an all day meeting and it took me an hour to drive there and an hour to drive back. Surprisingly the drive there wasn’t that bad but the drive back was quite stressful and I nearly sideswiped someone on the highway. This is precisely the reason why I’m looking for a place to stay for the first three weeks of my internship. After those initial weeks some friends of mine have graciously agreed to let me stay with them for the remainder of the summer. But that isn’t actually what I wanted to talk about so let’s move on.

We started the meeting with coffee, which in my opinion is always a good way to start a meeting. Of the eight other people that came to the meeting I knew three, which meant I got to meet five new people that I’ll be working with this summer. I think I’ve met all but one of the leaders now.

I was very impressed with the other leaders, their focus, their hearts and their attitudes toward the whole thing were exemplary. I’m excited to get to work with all of them!

I can’t help but feel a little sorry for Andrew (the Director) as he is the only male leader in the whole group. He’s a brave man to take on all that responsibility and work with a bunch of women (myself included) on top of that. I’ll be the first to tell you that working with us women is not always easy, but I’m guessing he’s used to it by now.

At the meeting I was pleasantly surprised to find that my input was accepted and even welcomed by the others and several things I suggested they decided to do. I felt like I was a valuable member of the team.

Even though I’m the newbie and have the least experience out of all the leaders, they still respected me and gave me several leadership responsibilities. I’ll be helping demo a club for the teens during training camp, co-teaching a class on High-Octane Games and even solo teaching a class on Working and Living in Community, which I’m really excited about as relationships and communication are topics that I am passionate about!

In addition to the teaching I will be a co-leader/evaluator of one of the groups at training and a co-counselor in the dorms. Plus I’ll be helping with music (singing) and planning activities. In case you haven’t noticed, I’m super excited! But I’m also super nervous. I’ve never had this much responsibility in my life and I’m scared to death that I’m gonna blow it!

So if you are reading this and want to help or support me, please pray for me! This is an awesome opportunity and I want to give it my all but I know that there’s no way I can do this of my own strength. I need God’s help. I need people to intercede for me. You have no idea how grateful I am to those who take the time to pray on my behalf!

Well there’s a little snippet for you all who are curious what I’m up to or wanting to keep up on this adventure I’m on.

My first day of work is now less than a week and a half away! I start on Monday the 19th of May.

Thank you for all your support! More updates still to come.

God bless!

The Interview

After turning in my application for the CEF Summer Internship I was asked to come to an interview by Andrew Murray, the Director of the Greater Denver branch of CEF (Child Evangelism Fellowship). The Interview would take place at a local Starbucks with Andrew and my CEF Handler, Marney.

Just as any self-assured person would tell you, I wasn’t nervous about it at all. My thought was that I would just walk in there have a nice chat and walk out with the Internship. Such thoughts were blown from my mind after speaking with a good friend of mine about the upcoming interview.

First she asked if I was nervous about it, to which I replied, “Not really.” She told me that was probably a good thing but even as she said it, I could feel my bravado starting to slip. Maybe I should be nervous, I thought. Then my friend told me something that completely threw me for a loop.

“Just be ready for the ‘what are your greatest strengths and weaknesses’ question. They always ask that. And make sure that even your weaknesses are strengths…”

What?!

Suddenly my mind was racing through all of the other interviews I’ve been to and with each recall it becomes painfully clear that my friend is right, they do always ask that question! How had I missed that before? My previously fraying nerves were now in an all out tizzy.

I had to find a way to make my weaknesses strengths? How was I even supposed to do that without straight up lying?

Something that had seemed so straight forward and simple just a few moments before had now become unbearably complex.

After a few more minutes of small talk about my competition for the position and the importance of posture, I was beginning to dread the coming interview.

I went home that night and prayed for wisdom, clear leading and that God’s will would be done in this interview and He would make it obvious to me if this was what He wanted me to do this summer.

After that I had a brainstorming session about my greatest strengths and weaknesses and how my weaknesses could be presented and seen as strengths without bending the truth. To my surprise idea’s came to me naturally and soon I had a good sized list of strengths and weaknesses to pull from.

Finally the day came for the interview.

That morning I sat down and wrote out my strengths and weaknesses so they would be fresh in my mind for the interview.

When I pulled into the Starbucks parking lot ten minutes early I was still as nervous as could be. I took a moment in the car to pray and ask God to help me and that the interview would be enjoyable whether I got the internship or not.

When I got inside I found that I was the first one there even though it was now only five minutes early. Immediately, fear took over and I began to panic. What if I was at the wrong Starbucks? At first I walked and stood around casually like I was waiting for someone, hoping to appear relaxed and to keep from drawing the attention of the other customers. But after a few minutes passed (or what felt like a few minutes anyway), I couldn’t take it anymore and whipped out my phone to make sure I was at the right place at the right time. I was.

I began to walk to the door, thinking that maybe I should try to make it look like I had just arrived, when Andrew showed up. I stood where I was and looked the other way as he approached the door trying to pretend I hadn’t noticed him and was searching for him. Then I looked back at the door as he walked in and smiled at him like I had just noticed him walk in. I think it must have worked because he didn’t ask how long I’d been there. I’m pretty sure he thought I had just barely arrived before him.

Marney arrived shortly after that and Andrew bought each of us a drink. I got a Chai Tea Latte. It was so good and quite soothing as well, which I needed.

Andrew started the whole thing off by turning my world upside down.

“So this isn’t really an interview,” he began, “I know I called it that, but I really just want to take this time to get to know you better and tell you more about what this internship is.”

I was simultaneously relieved and disappointed. I had spent so much time preparing for the ‘strengths and weaknesses’ question that I couldn’t help thinking it was sad that he probably wouldn’t ask that. But at the same time I was happy to not have the pressure of an interview. Still, part of me was suspicious that even though he said it wasn’t an interview, that most of the rules of an interview still applied. I still needed to be on guard in case I was being graded on my posture and interest level.

The three of us sat there at a table at Starbucks and talked for a good two, two and a half hours. I told them about myself, my passions and the lessons God has taught me and is still teaching me. They told me about the summer internship and what I would be doing. With each new thing they told me I became more and more excited. Everything about this position sounded amazing! It sounded like a perfect fit for me, like a match made in heaven! And even while I was sitting there listening to Andrew explain this opportunity to me I felt God tapping on my shoulder and whispering in my ear, “This is for you Kimberly.”

I went away from the interview that day praising God.

For five long days after that, I prayed and waited to hear back from Andrew whether or not I had gotten the Internship. During that time I gave it over to God one way or another. But in my heart I couldn’t imagine doing anything else over the summer but this.

Finally a response came late Wednesday night. I had gotten the Internship!

I was overjoyed and thanked God right away.

God had given me the best gift I could ask for!

But this is not the end of this story; no, it is just the beginning.

CEF Summer Internship

 

Dear friends, family and followers,

Some ideas are good, other ideas are great, but every once in a blue moon you find an idea that is truly inspirational and, for lack of words, can be called nothing less than ‘Excellent!’

This is the kind of idea that has occurred to me and why I am in fact writing to you.

The idea that has come to my attention is not a good one, because good ideas are generally planned and something that almost everyone in the world can agree on. This idea is not great, because a great idea is generally a stroke of unplanned genius that you make happen by your own means. This idea is one of the few ‘Excellent’ ideas, and that is because it wasn’t my idea. It wasn’t even a human idea! This idea is one hundred percent, all-out, God’s idea and it came to me very unexpectedly on a clear-blue-skied, normal day.

So what is this idea!?! Good question.

This idea is the perfect plan, a thrilling adventure, the opportunity of a lifetime and the next chapter in a twenty-two year saga that is my life. And the best part is that I get to share it with you, so that you get the inside scoop as God unfolds this incredible milestone in my life this summer.

But let me back track really quick to give you some context.

For those of you who don’t know, I have been in a transitional, waiting stage of my life for the past couple years. Since returning from my one year of Bible College at Northland up in the frozen tundra of Wisconsin, I began to look for my purpose in life. I always used to think that finding my calling and pursuing it would be an easy thing, but anyone who’s been there and done that understands, as I do now, that life rarely works that way.

So for the past two years I have been seeking God and praying for direction, and every time I ask for direction God has told me to wait. And so that’s what I did. I waited… and prayed… and waited… and prayed… and then something unexpected happened.

Last summer I had the privilege of being involved with the Five Day Clubs that our church hosted in parks in the area for neighborhood kids to come and have fun and hear the gospel at. It was an amazing experience and I got to see God work first hand!

Following the Five Day Clubs that had taken place over the summer, our church decided to start an after school Good News Club in a local elementary school. I loved the idea and was excited to be involved in it. But when Pastor Aaron came to me and asked if I would be willing to be the Club Leader and make the Club happen, I was shocked and thrilled and nervous all at the same time!

With lots of prayer, support from other believers and God’s grace, we had our first five week club in the Fall of 2013. This Spring (2014) we did a second Club at the same school but with almost an entirely new crew of children! All of the kids that come to GNC (Good News Club) have been a joy and delight to me and I have learned so much from them and also through the process of teaching and leading this group.

You’re probably wondering what in the world this has to do with anything, and I’m happy to inform you that I will tell you that now.

The Good News Club is done through an organization called Child Evangelism Fellowship or CEF for short.

During the Spring GNC my CEF ‘handler’, as I like to call her, Marney, presented me with an idea that was brand new and had never occurred to me before. And the idea was… (drum roll) To apply for the summer Internship with CEF’s Denver chapter!

Now that may not sound super exciting or ‘Excellent’ to you, but to me it’s spot on and I’ll explain why in a second.

My original plans for the summer had been to work at a camp or to nanny, but when neither or those things panned out I was beginning to think that I was going to have another boring summer to add to my list.

When Marney brought this Internship to my attention it was like God tapped on my shoulder and said, ‘Pay attention, this is for you!”

So what is the BIG DEAL?! What is this all about?

This is about God giving me an opportunity to serve Him in a way that I’ve always wanted to!

As a CEF Summer Intern I will be assisting in every way imaginable with their summer ministries. My duties include: office work, training teen and college student volunteers for Christian Youth In Action (CYIA) to lead Five Day Clubs all across the Denver Metro, I will also be involved with leading these Five Day Clubs, going to Portland with Good News Across America (GNAA) to help thirty churches do Ninety Five Day Clubs in one incredible week of ministry, in addition I will be planning events and using all my gifts and abilities to build up fellow believers, reach the lost and bring God glory!

So basically, I’m going on an instate/out of state, missions-trip adventure!

I’ll get to work with youth, sing and share my faith! It’s basically a dream come true for me!

Remember when I said that I’ve been waiting and waiting and praying and praying? Well when I found out what this Internship was all about, I felt like God was giving me the green light. Like He was saying, “This is what you’ve been waiting for.”

I couldn’t be more excited!

So now let’s get down to business. Why am I writing to you? Because I want you to know what God’s doing in my life! In addition, I would like to present you with a couple requests/opportunities to be involved in this adventure with me.  Please keep in mind that any great expedition requires financiers to support it, otherwise half the great expeditions in the world would never have happened!

My number one thing would just be prayer. Prayer is powerful, because it takes our problems to God Almighty, the Creator of the Universe and the Savior of our souls and says, “This is Yours, Your will be done!” That’s what I want. I want God’s will to be done in this and I know that because this is from Him that He will bless it and bring the increase in people’s lives.

The second thing I would ask is for support, and yes I mean money. It takes a lot of time and money to serve God full time, even for a short time. This Internship would be my job and my ministry over the summer. CEF will be providing part of my salary but not all of it. For my part I need to raise $2,500 for this position. This money will cover driving expenses and all the expenses for the two weeks in Portland. Anything you could give would be greatly appreciated!

My word for this year is ‘Excellence.’ My goal for this summer follows that theme: I want to serve in whatever way possible with the greatest level of ‘Excellence’ that I can.

To remind me of this focus and to keep you in the loop, I will be keeping a log of what I do over the summer on this blog. My plan is to put up a new post at least once a week depending on how busy I am. Check out my other posts about the internship under the category: CEF Summer Internship.

If you should so desire to support me monetarily, you can do so by going to cefofcolorado.com/give and using your Paypal account or credit card to give electronically.

Thank you so much for taking the time to read this and for being a strong believer and example! God bless you and yours.

By the grace of God,

Kimberly